It's not you it's me

These words have chimed in my direction a few times. What they are likely to actually mean is, it is you and the truth is just too difficult or awkward to recite, so avoidance it is! We’re surrounded by euphemisms and indirect statements that don’t give us the reality we need to hear. I’m all for being gentle and if the white lie protects and restores then perhaps it’s ok for the greater good…for now. But too often little white lies are huge pink elephants in the room and the lies give us a temporary false sense of security and don’t help us to face the issues that we have or that we need to address.

Have you ever been in a situation where the reason being spouted by someone for a decision doesn’t feel genuine? Or someone is treating you in a way that you don’t feel you deserve? Or you’ve reconfigured a story to make it more palatable for your conscious to accept. ‘I was sacked because they don’t like the way I speak to the senior managers.’ Or they didn’t promote me because I’m different’. These could be translated to, ‘I’m often rude and arrogant and have an issue with authority’ or ‘I work in a corporate environment with a strict dress code but I’m embracing my individuality and if I want to show my tattoos and dye my hair blue, then that’s my choice’. Perception is key. 

Sometimes however we find ourselves in unfair situations where we’re surrounded by dream killers and people that want to sabotage our advancement, I call them enemies of progress. An employer who is threatened by your potential, a partner who doesn’t feel adequate and strives to pull you down rather than improve their self esteem to create the balance they long for. It happens, shitty things happen sometimes and we end up in situations that we don’t deserve and find ourselves struggling to understand why. 

But sometimes….just sometimes It’s us!!!!! We’ve put ourselves in a situation that is detrimental, or we’re behaving in a way that is incompatible with progress, we’re eating too much, drinking too much, procrastinating daily, not getting enough sleep, displaying a foul attitude, flying off the handle, not setting achievable goals, in fact not setting any goals at all, unhappily coasting, going nowhere slowly. 

When you have kids they’re a stark reminder of the movement of time. One day you’re embracing a newborn and the next you’re running after a sprightly toddler in what feels like the blink of an eye. Time waits for no one. And in seeing the movement of time you begin to realise how much of it we waste.

I’ll respond to this dilemma within the context of dating, as I had several experiences that I feel helped me to face my demons. But this issue extends way beyond the dating scene and filters into so many aspects of life. This issue of being in complete denial, burying your head in the sand, hoping that something will change spontaneously, ignoring the red flags in your life, having what I call ostrich syndrome or simply being completely oblivious, sometimes referred to as unintentional blindness. I’ve had it, maybe you have too. 

I watched a silly romcom once in my mid twenties that I wish I had seen earlier. Without being melodramatic the premise of the film changed my perception on so many things in my life and helped me to face reality. Not my version of reality, or what I hoped for, but what was actually happening. The film was titled ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’. Have you seen it? Major revelation so late on in life! Following heartbreak, self-loathing, questioning myself, hating the players and the game, asking myself why nothing seemed to be working and why I kept meeting the same ‘types’. Why hadn’t he called, why were our dates so sporadic and irregular? Why didn’t he want to hold my hand? Why don’t I know where he lives? The film helped me to confront bad boy questions like these, and subsequently helped me to apply the same brutal threshold to other areas in my life. If he’s not calling you, he just isn’t that into you…. if they’re not promoting you after 10 years of service, they never will. If you’ve been battling weight issues your whole life and still find yourself stocking up on doughnuts and cheeseburgers, the weight will not just disappear! It’s scary but liberating to finally see the light, acceptance is progress. Reality can be harsh but the real pain comes when you spend years in denial. What’s more painful…plucking out one hair at a time or doing a wax??! Arguably both hurt, both are trying to achieve the same goal, one prolongs the pain as it takes longer, which would you choose? 

Self assessment is what is saving me. The ability to self reflect and also ask for feedback from those I love and trust. I have more good days than bad days. I sometimes slip into a procrastinating exhausted hole but the hole is shallow and I can still see the light. I try and ask myself difficult questions everyday, some situations take me longer to face head on, but I keep trying, I keep showing up. As part of my Miracle Morning I say the following positive affirmations:

• I am my own super hero
• I respect my body and treat it with respect.
• I accept and love my body as it is and work to make it better.
• I enjoy the process of reaching a healthy weight.
• I am getting stronger and healthier every day
• I clear away emotional and physical clutter to make room for success.
• I utilize my time to maximize my success.
• I am a woman who effortlessly gets things done.
• It is safe for me to be a woman of success.
• I am beautiful
• I am enough
• I am in charge of how I feel and today I choose happiness

Changing your reality is not easy but it’s possible. First you have to face your reality and decide what you want your reality to be. Join me in making changes and creating your own happy place. Face your reality or change it. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Please comment, like and share if appropriate..